|Will this be goodbye?|
The past weeks I’ve been having a terrible combination of BAD DAYS and LAZY MOODS (pregnancy-related). I really wish December has more weekends. Dear readers, please do not be mad or feel neglected. I know you’ll understand this struggling working mom. I’m behind my check-up. My two kids are behind their booster vaccines. We could not finalize the car purchase. I’m beating deadline after deadline. I have not yet done any Christmas shopping or even just a list (teen make-ups for my nieces and diezel guitar amp for a nephew). Worst is, all our weekends are fully booked! You see, it’s not just writing I could not attend to but so may other tasks. I am busy with my kids, as always, and with my pregnancy but the biggest chunk of our time went to our house renovation and improvement which is now finished, thank God! We’re already out of time, energy and funds! We’re working double-time now to clean the whole house, arrange and organize our belongings and put up a Christmas tree in time for the house blessing and well, Christmas. Wish me luck, my friends. I promise to share here on BLISSFUL THOUGHTS BLOG our humble home once it’s presentable enough to be shared.
Yesterday, while I was mopping the children’s room, a dilemma of mine suddenly resurfaced. I was imagining myself as a stay-at-home, full-time mom. So far, every sign leads to it. I’m only waiting for one more, the one last sign. I do not want to ignore what these signs are telling me, the way I used to before. What if God stops sending me signs because I’m too stubborn to listen and act on it? I do not want that to happen. For once in my life, I’d like to take a leap of faith. Yeah, faith. That’s the word. I know this is one huge decision I am about to make and maybe I need more time to think things over. Hello, I’ve been working for 10 years. It’s been my life! Meanwhile, here are the PROS and CONS I could think of as of today. Help me please to fill it more up.
I would be with my children 24/7.
I’d be able to prepare their own food.
I’d be able to train, raise them and guide them.
I’d be able to do homework with them.
My mom can now take a rest from the kids.
No more work-related stresses.
No more everyday commute.
More time to do other things.
Begin another journey.
To be/have nothing so that God can turn me into something.
I’m not sure if I can keep my sanity living in the house with 3 kids 24/7.
This will be my first time to go jobless.
What if nothing takes off after I quit?
Will I ever regret leaving my career? Will I envy my contemporaries?
Will I pity myself in the future?
Will I be losyang?
Will my kids still be proud of me?
Will my husband still love me the way he does now?
What would be my husband’s expectations? (Ironing and washing the clothes and all?)
No more spoiler gifts and trips.
What if something bad (God forbid!) happens to my husband?
Would I be happy at home?
I love my kids and I love to be with them but alone and me-time would definitely be impossible if I’d become a full-time mom.
My husband’s income can provide for us. Although, we/I still have to adjust a little bit our lifestyle and I need to be wiser in budgeting and spending. I have to cut a lot of my online purchases and impulse buying, even of foods. I just worry that I won’t be able to find something productive to do while I devote most of my time and days to my kids, something that would still fulfill me personally and would somehow make up for my lost career. Help me, dear readers, shall I quit my job when baby no. 3 arrives?
I won this bamboo watch in an office raffle. The first time I actually won something. Oh, the love and hate relationship I have with you! The decision still has to be made, soon!