It has been almost three weeks since I gave birth to baby Raine. Briefly, let me tell you how it happened. I took an early break from work starting Holy Monday so I won’t be stressed and in the hope of delaying giving birth at least until Easter Sunday, the day my OB would be available after her Japan convention during the Holy Week. And so, I rested and prayed not to give birth until Easter Sunday. But, the Lord had other plans and Raine wanted to see the world on a Glorious Saturday. I woke up with strong and regular contractions at around 3 am. I woke up my husband and sat in our living room while observing my contractions. At 5 am, I knew it was the day so I took a shower and told my husband to get ready to leave for the hospital as soon as it’s bright enough to drive outside.
At the hospital, everything started out fine. I was already at 5cm when we arrived. I had my EPI at 6cm. When I reached the 8cm dilation, that is when the problem began. Baby Raine stopped moving as if she slept. I was induced into labor so I reached the 10cm dilation but Raine’s head according to the doctor won’t engage. Then, Raine became distressed with as low as 60pm for a heartbeat which caused an alarm and panic among everyone. The doctor also saw signs of placental abruption. The next thing I know, the OB was getting our consent for an emergency C section. By the way, the OB was a reliever of my real OB. Since I could see it in his face and hear in his voice, the worry and urgency, my husband and I okayed the CS delivery. In a matter of hours, Raine was out and my journey as a CS victim starts.
First, let me tell you the hardships in recovering from a major operation such as CS.
- I had to lie down in bed without pillows for 8 hours.
- I am into pain medications for days.
- I can’t drink right away. I had to fart first. The best fart I ever had!
- Soft diet kills me and my hubby who has no clue what soft diet is.
- I had to poo before I ate real meals which came five days post surgery with the help of a lot of fruits and fiber bars.
- The first time I moved or sat down, I swear I could feel my internal organs moving inside me. It was scary. It felt like they are loose.
- The CS wound freaks me out and I was so scared of it being infected.
Aside from the above, there are also emotional aspects which made my postpartum blues even worse.
- Because of the CS wound, I could not carry my two elder children.
- I could not bring them to their favorite playhouse in the mall, just like I promised and planned.
- Breastfeeding is harder when you are tending at your own incision.
- I could not concentrate on Raine or my kids.
- My movement is very limited, something I’m not used to.
- The pain and discomfort are as real as they can be.
- I wonder if I can still be who I used to be. Like carrying all my children and play pretend that zombies are running after us.
- I wonder if I can still climb Mt. Pulag.
- I wonder how this major operation would limit me and my choice of living.
- I feel like this CS thing has robbed me of so many opportunities to enjoy life with my kids, with my husband, and with other people. I know it was because I’ve given birth vaginally, one even unmedicated.
- We were not really prepared for a CS delivery, physically, emotionally and financially. We lack clothes and supplies in the hospital. I had to terminate time deposits. And, I missed my two children so much especially that I know I won’t be able to carry them for months. I love carrying them so much and they enjoy it too.
I know and as I have been told, this too shall pass. I just have to look at the brighter side and focus on the blessings which are the safety and health of me and my new baby. Maybe not all my fears have a basis. Maybe one day I can still go up Mt. Pulag and do all crazy adventures I want. Maybe. And, since this is my last child, I might as well forget about the sadness and limitations this CS brought me and enjoy our newborn while it lasts.
PS: Salute to all who have birthing battle scars. Giving birth is no joke!